Em
by Fanfiction Nerd
Summary: Em always felt out of place in the world, but when he finds out that the world he's lived in is a lie, will he have to leave behind the only person he's ever loved? ((Mouse's POV--Finished))
1. All Is Turned To Gray

I wake with a start as my teacher grumbles, skritching away at the chalkboard.  I've dozed off again. Why does it seem to be that no matter how much sleep I get the night before, I always can't stay awake during class?   I prop my chin on my fist and I struggle to stay awake…but my eyelids are so heavy.

I'm floating on air it feels.  Gliding gently on an updraft. Like a bird catching a thermal under its feathers.  I look down and I can see the earth far below, but I'm not afraid.

I'm flying. The wind ruffles through my hair.  I see a flash of greenish digits and then cold blue light, and a chill passes down my spine.  The back of my neck tingles slightly.

A sharp kick in the rear of my desk jolts me back to reality, and I lift my head up with a jerk.  

"Mister Johnson, I'm waiting."

"C-Could you repeat the question?" I say, clearing my throat.

"I said, why do some researchers now think that Mesopotamia was not the origin of history?"

I run a distracted hand through my hair, trying to think and not forget the dream I had just been having.  "Umm… cause of Egypt?"  I say.  A few people snicker until they realize I'm right… Mr. Gilson is smirking slightly "Well Mr. Johnson, it seems like maybe you do pay attention in class, when you're not napping, that is."  At this everyone giggles slightly until he hushes them and goes back to writing.

I sigh, relieved, and slump back over in my desk, feverishly taking notes and scratching the back of my neck.  It still feels kind of funny.

Back to the dreary world of reality, I think, scribbling down drivel about the cradle of civilization and river valleys.  I wish I was living in one of my dreams.  They're always so vivid and lush.  My world isn't like them.  A picture perfect postcard world, crisp and clean and fresh in my sight.  This world is dull and blurry to me.  

Disclaimer : I don't own The Matrix. Not even a digit of its binary code. *hangs head*


	2. Soft Creatures Draped In White

Sherin is sitting outside of the class door waiting for me after the bell rings.  Finally the day is over.  We're going to go see a movie later.  She takes my hand and leads me, like she always does, as I follow dumbly waiting for what excitement she'll lead me to next.  Sherin is my life.  My sanity. Without her I don't think I'd be able to make it through the blurry days and crystal nights that always have to end.  She's the light that makes my days seem clearer.  She giggles as I question her on where we're headed.  

Her long raven hair splashes across her face, mingling with her flushed cheeks and her grin.  Her blue eyes glitter with mischief as she leads me down into a rarely-used stairwell.  

"Look what I found Emmy."  . Emmy, her nickname for me. My real name is Emerson.  Great name, huh? First day of school I was fondly nicknamed by the seniors "Tuba".  I find her pet name to be much more satisfactory.  She growls girlishly, sinking into the shadows underneath the stairs, and pulling my hand to follow.  A door underneath leads into and dingy closet.  It looks like no one's been in there in ages.  Cobwebs string along from old mop to mop, and spiral down an empty rust-encrusted pail.  A dim flickering bare bulb springs to life on the ceiling with the flick of a switch.  "What are you up to?" I half-smile, as she softly shuts the door behind her.  

And then it's her hands on my waist and my neck crooked down to face her.  My lips curve into a smile as hers caress them.  As we kiss I take a step backward and fall down over an old toolbox.  "Are you okay?" she asks, concerned, bending down to see if I'm alright.  "Yeah," I murmur in reply.  My butt hurts though.  

She smiles. "Good."

I kiss Sherin goodbye after the movie and we walk separate paths to our houses.  We live in Boston.  Boston in the fall's supposed to be so great.  Why do all the vivid oranges and reds my family croons over seem so dull?  Like a movie façade.

I go into my room and close the door.  My mind is tired.  I plop down in front of the computer, the whole room is dark except for the glow of the monitor, lighting my face.  I run my fingers through my slightly curled brown hair.  It's getting a little long.  Sherin says she likes it, and she twists her fingers in it when she's bored.  It gets in my eyes, and I brush it away distractedly and click away on the computer.  I've always been a computer nut.  From my parent's first old blue screen Mac I've been clacking away at them.  Learning all their little tricks and secrets.  I can reprogram a computer in about ten minutes, hack into almost any site you can give me, and I could mess with anybody's computer who happens to have an instant messenger program.  

  I have learned some valuable tricks on hacker forums, websites that can only be professionally hacked into, and also just from books and things I've picked up from people I've met here and there.  

I've had a few close calls with hacking before.  But that was middle school years. I was less careful then.  Not now.  Now I was up there with some of the greats skill-wise.  But I'd never done anything that could have gotten me into any serious trouble.  Not military crap.  I stayed away from anything government.  

But people like Trinity, or Ezra.  They were legends.  I pretty much idolized anything they lay their hands on.  I dreamt of someday being as great as them. 

:blackXnight has signed on:

crew_cut: dude. you'll never guess what I heard.

blackXnight: what is it now?

crew_cut: some guy told me he thinks trinity's not a dude.

blackXnight: wtf? of course trinity's a dude.

crew_cut: I know thats what I said.  but the more I thought about it the more it made sense we really dont know if she/hes a girl or what.

blackXnight: I guess youre right…but still I mean everyone thinks hes a dude.  Who's to say were wrong?

crew_cut: I dunno but think about it. What if trinitys actually a total babe?

blackXnight: I dunno.

crew_cut: come on. You know it would rock.

blackXnight: yeah…I know…lol…that would rock so much.

crew_cut: hell yeah.

crew_cut: so howre you and Sher doin?

blackXnight: great. You and…uhh…jen?

crew_cut:…yeah. We broke up.

That's Jim.  He was my best friend since second grade.  Then he left.  His family moved to like, Wisconsin.  He hates it, but we still correspond in hacker networks. He's about as good as I am when it comes to that kind of stuff.  

He's the guy I talk to about everything. My best bud… I tell him about high school, Sherin, fuckin upperclassmen, hacking…anything.

crew_cut: fuck. The rents are home. Im out man.

blackXnight: talk to you later.

:crew_cut has signed off:

His parent's aren't my biggest fans.  They seem to blame everything that's ever gone wrong in his life on me.  And if they caught him on a hacker chat and talking to me… well, let's just say the doo-doo would be deep.

He's kind of had girl troubles lately.  Basically getting one.  Then keeping one.

But that doesn't matter. Cause he's still a great guy.

I feel my eyelids droop and know I don't want to spend another night with my head pressed against my keyboard.  I pull off my shirt and shorts and then crash on my bed.


	3. Dreams Were The Only Place To See Them

My dream is so vivid.  

It's cold again.  Steel frames above me, and bright lights.  I see silhouettes of people leaning over me.  My eyes burn and my stomach turns.  I turn my head.  

My neck is tingly and sore.

I can see green lights trickling down my line of sight, as they fade in and out of focus I see that they are numbers and symbols…and they begin to grow smaller as my view of the world goes into focus.  Suddenly the green symbols and shapes shrink altogether and melt into the wall of a dank alleyway.  I walk past in the rain. 

My eyes fly open as the alarm on my clock rings shrilly.  I rub my neck with my hand self-consciously.  The world seems gray today.  Even though the sun is shining.  

Crisp air blows around me as I briskly trot to school.   Sherin and I meet at our usual corner and walk hand in hand.  My other hand stays in my pocket to keep out the bite of the October wind.  The cold wind reminds me of my dream.  I look over at Sherin, who is looking at the trees on the side of the road.  I decide not to bug her with my dreaming.  

"Aren't they beautiful?" she murmurs, staring at the golden light filtering through the dancing leaves that hang heavily from the boughs, like amber honey dripping from a comb. 

 "Yeah." I say softly, looking at her awe-filled blue eyes and pink wind-chilled cheeks.  

School passes, full of dozing, crabby teachers, and stupid seniors.  I hack into the school's website during study hall and change the principal's name to "Mr. Hasslehoff" and the vice principals to "Mrs. Bleeth" and "Mrs. Electra"… I sit back and look.  Much better.  "Baywatch High."

I grin to myself wondering what Jim'll say when he sees. And then grimace picturing Mr. Handleman (The principal's real name) in a red speedo.

It takes the school a week and a half to hack through my anti-hack system I blocked the school website with after I "fixed" it.  They've notified the staff and students that if you can tell them anything about the culprit you'll get a free 4.0 on your next report card.  I'm seriously considering turning myself in by the looks of my GPA so far.  

Sherin greets me with a reproving look after class. 

 "I thought you said you weren't gonna hack the school anymore." She mutters under her breath. 

 "I know, I know." I say. "but…it's so easy. And I was so bored.  You know I've got nothing to do when you're off at your dad's those weekends…plus…you got to admit. It was damned funny."  

She cracks a grin and then corrects herself, trying to still look angry.  I smile benignly,

 "I just don't want you to get in trouble, that's all." She says, sounding a little worried. 

"Don't worry." I say lightly. "I'm really careful. And I won't do the school anymore if it really makes you that worried."

"Thanks." She smiles, looking relieved.


	4. They Seemed So Beautiful

I drag myself home, and feel sluggish.  My parents stop me at the door however. Time for a weekly check-in with the old units.  

"Emerson, we don't like it when you just leave early, come home and disappear into your room." My mother says, sounding unhappy. My father sits in his usual chair, staring at me.

"We want to talk to you…see how school is going…you know…" she says, prompting me. My dad still just stares.

"School's great," I say falsely. "can I got to my room now?"

Mom doesn't look pleased. Dad frowns, but still says nothing.

"No you can't." her sad tone turning angry.  "I don't like this totally apathetic attitude you always pull with us!  I'm trying to get to know you. Talk to my own son, yet you refuse to let me in."

"Maybe I don't want you in!" I say, my temper rising with hers.

 "Why not?" My mother cries. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"You don't understand me! Nobody does! The only people who do - one moved out to a farm in fucking middle America, and the other you refuse to accept as my girlfriend cause her parents are 'unsavory'!  Maybe _that's why Mom! Did __that ever occur to you?" My dad rises from his chair, but I'm already leaving._

I storm upstairs and slam the door shut, and latch it.   I turn on my stereo and I vent by taking a few swings at the wall.  My knuckle splits and it starts bleeding.  I wrap it in a dirty bandana and flop down in front of the computer.  Damn that hurt. I'm usually not the violent type…but sometimes my parents just don't understand me at all. Nor do they bother to even try.  I feel kind of bad about cursing in front of my mom. I know she hates that… I try to think of something else.

So I think about hacking.  I do my usual route, seeing if there's any updates on my favorite websites, trying at some sites I still haven't quite cracked…then I do a server-wide search on one of the hacker source pages and something new comes up I've never seen.  It's called – "The Matrix"…and its page owner is under the alias "Trinity".  There are dozens of trinity posers and wannabes out there…but I feel different about this one. Like it's there on that page for me.  I push my mouse over the link and click it.  Immediately my neck starts to tingle like mad.  I shiver slightly, and wait for the page to boot up.   A blank page is showing, but the progress bar is almost done.  I mutter, wanting a better look at this, but I can't see anything. Just as the progress meter reaches one hundred percent my computer blacks out.  The screen is totally blank.  "what the hell?" I murmur, turning my monitor on and off to no effect.  I try to re-boot…no dice.  It's still just sitting there, humming, black screen.

Suddenly with a flash of green letters begin to appear.

"Hello Em."

I nearly fall out of my chair.  It has to be.

"Trinity?" I type so quickly I feel the skin on my knuckle split further.

"Yes."  The three letters appear slowly and at the same time a jolt of excitement surges through me.

I'm about to type something else, but Trinity begins again.

"The world around you is gray. Isn't it, Em? Dull and colorless."

The words hit me like a sledgehammer. How?

"You can't understand it. Everyone else goes about their lives like everything is beautiful. But to you it's just a palette of monochrome.  You see the colors, but they aren't alive."

"How do you know me so well?" I say. In shock, as Trinity voices the things that have always stirred around inside my head but never taken shape as spoken word.

"I was you once." Trinity says.

I pause.

"How can I meet you?" I type slowly.

"The bells will send you to me."

And then the screen flashes, and my computer makes a slight sputtering sound, and then the menu page of my monitor boots up innocently, like nothing ever happened.


	5. I'm Drawn To A Blackened Sky

I dream of nothing that night. I wake up strangely disappointed.

Saturday, I go for a drive in the country with my parents.  They "ooh" and "ah" over the scenery, and I sleep.

I come home and go to bed, praying for a dream.  

I get one.

I'm in a dark room.  Suddenly lights shudder on.  Flickering fluorescent lights, like ones in an old office building.  There are four men there.  They all wear suits and glasses.  

"Goon squad" I think to myself.

I realize I'm on a dentist chair.  A man in a white coat appears from behind the four suited ones.  With a little metal drill, and something partly hidden between the fingers of his other hand.  I realize with shock he's planning on drilling my tooth without any anesthetic.   I scream, but then find my voice is gone, only air escapes.  I also realize, I'm suddenly strapped down, and while one of the suits holds my mouth open, another holds my head still.  Pain hits me as he digs into one of my molars.  Then he takes the little metal object that until now was hidden in his hand.  When pushing a button on it, it turns into a little writhing translucent little worm. 

 I try to scream again as he brings it toward my mouth, to no avail.  He puts in on my tongue.  It writhes for a moment, and then I feel it slurping into my tooth, tucking itself away.  The doctor seals my tooth as I continue to silently scream, and then I awake with a start.

There's sweat dripping off of me…yet I'm freezing.

I run my tongue over the just-drilled tooth.  Nothing.

I sigh, and I flop back in bed, reluctant to sleep after this nightmare.

At last I sink into dreamless slumber.   

I awake the next day to blue chilled skies and brisk breezes.  Sunday. I sigh, realizing gloomily that tomorrow I have school.  Suddenly there's a knock on my door.  I rub my eyes and sit up in bed. "Come in." I mumble.

The door opens and it's my dad.

"Hello Em," he says, in the businesslike way that a father greets his son, when his wife has sent him to have a talk with their unruly youth.  "how are you?" he says uncomfortably, sitting on the foot of my bed.

"I'm good." I say bluntly.

"That's good." He says. He shifts in his position on my mattress.

"Yeah." 

"So…I came in here to talk to you about Friday.  Your mother and I don't like it when you use foul language. You know that."

"You didn't seem to care." I say, recalling back to him sitting there intimidating, but wordless.

"I thought your mother could handle herself." He says defensively. "Apparently not." He adds. "She wanted me to talk to you."

"Well. Thanks for the insight.  I'm sorry for my heinous breech of obedience." I say coldly.

My father says nothing and stares at me for a moment, with a look in his eyes that says _"How can he be mine?"_

And then he stands, and he walks out.

I wanted him to scream. Or hit me. Or slam the door, at least. But no. he doesn't care enough for even that. I roll out of bed and take a quick shower, then throw on some clothes and walk out the door.   I don't bother to shout to the parents where I'm headed. They'll figure out I'm gone eventually, and since none of my other shit is gone, I don't think they'll worry too much.

I don't even know where I'm headed.


	6. Just Like All I Loved, I Make Believe

I wander down the street, toward school, and the outskirts of our little suburbia community.

The city's a train ride away.  I have a token in my pocket, jingling around with my change.  I consider going into the city, but something in the back of my mind keeps me in the area.  I wander around, and suddenly, I hear a far off ringing noise.  Something catches my memory. 

Trinity… "The bells will send you to me." That's what he said.

I listen.   They're coming from Sacred Heart Holy Catholic Church down the block.  I used to go there with my grandparents while they were still alive.  I take off in a jog toward the bells. My blood pounds.  I couldn't rightly remember if speaking to Trinity had been real or just a beautiful dream. But…the bells. It couldn't just be a coincidence.  I speed up.

I reach the doors.  Well-dressed families cluster in as the bells solemnly toll for mass.  I stand on the corner, my eyes following each person who goes in.  I sit there.  Waiting.  The bells stop ringing.  I still sit, as the last stragglers enter the building.   With a hesitant look around, I straighten my shirt and follow inside.  I look at a corkboard with various announcements on it.  Then a sign with moveable letters catches my eye.  "Confession Sunday" it says.  

With a jolt, I hear the bells ringing again.  I follow their noise.  It leads me away from the sanctuary, where the rest of the people are filing in and finding seats.  Up. Up a set of stairs behind a closed door.  I'm almost to the top, when the bells stop ringing.  I'm in a small corridor… There are several doors.  Which one leads to the bell tower?  I open one of the doors.  It's dark.  Then I open another.  It's dark as well, but there's a confessional booth inside.  I slowly close the door behind me, and realize that the room is illuminated from within the booth.  There is a little light inside.  I go into the one side, slide into the seat, and close the door behind me.  I sense someone else's presence.  "Trinity" I think to myself.  This is it.  

I make the sign of the cross and repeat in the mantra taught to me by Sunday school. "Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been three years since my last confession."

I wait for a reply.  There is silence.  

"Trinity?" I whisper slowly.

"I'm here." A low voice replies.


	7. There'll Be No Angels Gracing The Lines

My heart leaps into my throat.  "Trinity, what the hell is happening to me?"

"Listen to me Em.  Are you ready?"

"Ready?" I say slowly.

"Ready to give up everything for the truth?" Trinity answers.

I'm about to reply with a yes. A yes that will take away all the pain and confusion of this life…when Sherin comes into my mind.  She's the one thing that has made this worthless world worth anything…and she's made it worth everything.

"Everything?" I whisper.

"This world is a lie Em.  Everything you've ever known here has been a lie."

"What about…Love?" I breathe.  

"Love?" says Trinity slowly.

"Do I have to give that up?  Is love a lie?"  

Trinity says nothing.  Fear writhes in my stomach like a thousand snakes.  Is the truth worth giving up the only happiness I've ever known?  

"Love…and truth." Trinity begins. "They walk hand in hand, Em."

"So…what about Sherin? I love her Trinity.  I can't keep the truth from her."

"Bring her to us."  

"When?" I say. "Where?"

"There's an old warehouse downtown." Trinity says.  

She explains its location, and tells me when to meet her there, and when I do, to bring Sherin.

Suddenly I hear a phone ring from the other side of the booth. Trinity answers.

"Here?" I hear Trinity say, after a pause,

"Shit." 

I hear movement and then Trinity throws open the door of my booth.  A dim gleam from the confessional booth candle alights on a leather jumpsuit that grips her curved female form.  She has short black hair, slicked down on her neck.  I gape.  

"You're a girl." I say, in awe. Her voice had not given her away.  But this definitely did.

"You have to go. Now." She says.  "Have you had any weird dreams lately? Nightmares?" she asks feverishly, as we run down a set of stairs behind a closed door.  

"Actually," I say, recalling last night's dental dream, "I did.  The dentist's office. They drilled without novicane. It was awful." 

We reach the end of the stairs and she curses again under her breath. She opens a door that exits onto the scraggly grass of the church's back yard and a small unused gravel lot.

 "They've probably bugged you, but I don't have time now." She says, more to herself than me.  

"Who's they? Time for what?" I press, thousands of questions in my head aching to escape.  

"There's no time Em.  Go home as quickly as you can, but don't draw attention to yourself. With any luck they'll think you were just at church.  Now go!" 

"But Trinity-" I begin.

"GO!" she says, jumping on a motorcycle that was in the lot and speeding off in the opposite direction of my house.

I take up a brisk pace, hurrying down the street and wrap myself in my coat, as though I'm walking quickly to get out of the cold.  I get home without any disturbance, glancing over my shoulder as I go.  I run upstairs, and close the door, praying my parents don't come snooping about where I was.

As soon as I'm there I pick up the phone.  I'm about to dial Sherin's number, when I remember Trinity saying something about bugging.  I drop the receiver and put my coat back on, and slip on my shoes.  I creep out of my room. My parents are sitting in the living room discussing…me.  Probably better I stay out of this.  I go back to my room and slide open the window.  I scrabble out onto the porch roof and then crawl around to the back of the house and slide down to the gutter and then drop.  I make a beeline for Sherin's. 


	8. I'd Show A Smile But I'm Too Weak

I shimmy up a tree in front of her house and then softly scrabble onto the roof and crawl to her window.  I softly knock. She's on the computer.  She turns around at the noise and an expression of shock turns to a grin as she rushes over to meet me.   She opens the window.  "What are you doing out there you goofball?" She smiles, but then stops once she sees I'm not.

"What's up?" she says.

"I need to talk to you." I say quietly.  "And no one can hear us."  I glance over at the door.

"Yeah," she says softly.  "No problem."  She quickly moves across the room and clicks the lock.

"What's going on, Emmy?" she says, sitting down on the bed with me.

I try to put what's happening to me in words.

"Ever since I was little," I begin, "something in the world has always seemed…wrong.  Like everyone else seemed happy and only I could tell that the world was backward or messed up or something.  I get this feeling like…like there's something better out there. Maybe not better, but at least realer.  The world had always turned its nose up at me.  And the few blessings I have…well, I'm always afraid of losing them to this weird feeling."  

I hold her hand tightly.

"And I finally found out Sherin," I say, staring into her eyes, "That I wasn't wrong." 

Sherin looks at me. I can tell she's confused, so I continue.

"You know Trinity? The famous hacker?" I say slowly.

"Yeah." She says, with a half smile.  "You talk about him all the time."

"That's the thing Sherin. The amazing thing. I met _her_ today."

"Trinity?" Sherin says, her eyes widening.  "How? Where?"

"The other day, she hacked onto my computer, and basically told me my life story, like she knew about me somehow, better than I knew myself.  And she told me she had answers," I say, my voice now heightening with excitement. "So today, I met her." 

"Where?" Sherin gasps. 

"In Sacred Heart. You know, down the block?"

She nods, and I relay the story of the confessional booth to her, and then I tell her about meeting Trinity downtown.

"Wow." Is all Sherin can say.  She takes my hand.  "Why didn't you tell me about this before? About how you see the world?"

"I didn't want to bother you with that." I say gently.  "When I'm with you…It's like it's the only time when I'm not thinking about how strange and wrong the world feels."

She smiles.  "I love you."  She breathes, and I kiss her gently.  

"I've got to get home." I say. "My parents don't know I'm gone."

"Alright." She says, "See you later." 

I wave as I back out the window. 

I slide down the shingles of her roof and then jump into the soft grass below.  I wrap my jacket around me and dash to my house.  While I'm still pretty short, I can run fast when I need to.  


	9. Asphyxiate On Words I Might Say

Shrimp. That's what they call me at school. That and Tuba. Great nicknames, huh?

I still remember the first day of school, my freshman year.  

"What are you doing here little guy? Shouldn't you be in kindy-garten?" A senior. Looming over me, itching for a fight, his first day back, no less.

"I go here cro-magnon man." I said crassly.  

I remember sighing as his great neanderthal-like brow ridge furrowed in anger, knowing what was coming next. "You're gonna get it shrimp."

A circle soon formed, full of chanting kids.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

It was kind of sad, really.  I threw a few punches.  They barely seemed to touch him.  He punched me once, the wind knocked out of me. Again, stars before my eyes.  I barreled into him, he just pushed me backward onto the ground.  I felt my elbow shudder underneath me, before collapsing.  I lifted myself up, swaying slightly.  The next blow sent blood trickling from above my brow and the last from my split lip.  I lay there, still as I could.  Maybe.  Maybe if I was still enough, I'd just disappear.  Blend in with the grayish tile floor.  Melt.  

Then I saw her.  Sherin.  My world.  That was the day we met.  She was on the "Green Team" a team of nurses and doctors in-training.  They'd go around the school to messes like me, and clean us up, transport us to the clinic. That sort of thing.  I remember seeing her face for an instant before she was shining a flashlight in my eyes to check for concussion and then asking me what day it was.  

I remember mumbling "It's my joyous first day of high school." My lips swollen and my mouth thick with blood.  

I was fully conscious. Fully conscious of the pain I was in as well.

"Shrimp" that was my nickname for the rest of the year.  

"There goes that kid that Kevin beat up, first day."

"Kevin got suspended for a two weeks…Missed the first football game."

"I heard that kid got brain damage or something"

"I hear he broke his arm."

Fracture. It was a fracture.  My elbow.  Just a hairpin break, but good enough for one of those official looking blue hospital slings.  Then the black eye and the swollen lip didn't add to my look.

Sherin though. She was in my third class of the day. She smiled at me.  I smiled back as best I could through that fat lip.

Smiles turned to quiet conversations, and conversations to deeper heart-to-hearts.  Then one day she was kissing me.  I still remember it.  

My lip was still tender, the split had just finished fully healing.  It was the most intense moment I can remember to this date.

She had come to my house, as my friend.  We were watching a movie, during a thunderstorm.  She was scared, and she took my hand.  I remember it was like an electric bolt of lighting from outside had run through me.  Then the power went out.  And she sort of let out this little frightened noise, and I remember her hand holding mine so tight. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light I remember seeing her face, so close.  And then I closed my eyes, welcoming the dark, and her lips and mine met. 


	10. My Intimate Is No One

:blackXnight has signed on:

crew_cut: hey, whats goin on man?

blackXnight: you wouldn't believe me if I told you

crew_cut: what? Did you and sher finally…?

blackXnight: what? no! youre nasty.

crew_cut: *shrugs* hey, whatever man.

blackXnight: no. not that.

I sigh and smile, shaking my head.

crew_cut: well what then?

blackXnight: I met her.

crew_cut: who? Whos her?

blackXnight: you were right. She is a she. I mean she is a her? I dunno. But it was so awesome.

crew_cut: what are you talking about dude?

blackXnight: TRINITY!

There was a pause.  I could almost see Jim's face, contorting first in shock, then in disbelief in the glow of his monitor.

crew_cut: quit it man.

blackXnight: no lie man. I found her…well. She found me I guess.

crew_cut:  you're lying. You gotta be.  You MET her? THE trinity?

blackXnight:  man. You were so right. Its crazy.  She's a FOX.

crew_cut: HOW!?!?!!? WHEN!?! WHY?!!?

I again relay the story of the confessional, this time to him.  

He'd always known about my thoughts on the world.  My doubts on reality.  But…I don't think he ever thought it would come to this.

crew_cut: what does this mean?

blackXnight: I don't know.  I guess it means…i'm leaving.

crew_cut: but where to? I dunno Em. This sounds kind of crazy. How do you know that this is the real deal? I mean, the REAL trinity.

blackXnight: it's gotta be.  You didnt see the hack job she did on my computer.  It was unreal.  She was in and out of there clean as a whistle. I couldn't trace her at ALL. And what she did was amazing.  I couldn't turn off my CPU.

crew_cut: I've heard of that. Apparently it's a trinity trademark. Black screen?

blackXnight: totally unreal man, lemme tell you.

crew_cut: did you tell sherin?

blackXnight: yeah…

crew_cut: AND?

blackXnight: and shes coming to town with me on wednesday.

crew_cut: that is nuts man….do you know…when I can talk to you again?

I pause. Thinking.  I don't know when I'll ever see him…

Ever talk to him again.

I look over at a picture of him and me on my bulletin board.  He's my best friend.

blackXnight: Ill try to talk to you as soon as I can.

crew_cut: what if I never see you again?

I can almost hear his voice faltering.

blackXnight: that wont happen.

crew_cut: rents are back…em. When?

blackXnight: soon. I promise.

crew_cut: alright. Bye.

I pause.  What if I never see him again?

blackXnight: wait.

crew_cut: what is it?

blackXnight: …Jim youre my best friend. You know that, right?

crew_cut: don't say goodbye em. We'll talk. Soon.

blackXnight: you're like my brother though.

crew_cut: I'll talk to you on Thursday Em. Later.

blackXnight: later jim.

:crew_cut has signed off:


	11. You, In Somber Resplendence, I Hold

The next two days roll by like nothing at all.  It's bittersweet for me.  For one, I know that this may answer all my questions…But I don't know what comes after that.

After school Wednesday I come into the house and my mom is standing at the door waiting.  

Great. What did I do now?

"Honey, you've been so quiet lately.  We're worried about you."

"Didn't we just have this talk the other day?" I say impatiently, trying to edge my way toward the stairs.

"Em." My mother says tenderly. "I love you.  I'm worried.  Please."  She really does look afraid.  

I breathe deeply.  I need to talk to her. But I can't. I'm meeting Sher at the subway station in fifteen minutes.  I take my mother in my arms and hug her.  

"I love you too, Mom, I really do," I say, "But right now. I can't talk to you. I have to go somewhere, and it's really important to me."

She looks hurt. "More important than the woman who brought you into this world?"

I pause.

"It's about the world you brought me into." I say. "I can't stay here anymore. I have to go. I love you mom." I say.  I run up the stairs.  I feel tears burning.  I don't know if I'll ever see her again.  I mean, sometimes, she was really great.  But I can't think about that now.  I have to leave. Now.

I grab my bag, throw on my other jacket, and slip out of my school shoes and into my walking ones for in town.  I take a carefully folded letter out of my drawer and seal it into an already stamped and addressed envelope.  I put it carefully into my pocket and then, I hear my mother, walking up the stairs.  I crawl out the window, and slide down the shingles to the damp cold ground.  The sun shines bright and a breeze makes me pull my jacket closer to me, and sling my pack further up on my shoulder. I see Sherin sitting on the bench next to the subway staircase looking nervous.  I sit down beside her and kiss her gently. 

"I'm scared Emmy." She says, looking into my eyes.

"I know," I murmur softly, "Me too."

We take each others hands and walk down into the subway.  I buy us both tickets and we ride in silence.  She seems really really scared.  I hold her close, whispering to her.  That I love her.

The train screeches to a halt at our stop after some time.  I stand up and take her hand as we walk out and up into the glowing sunset.

We're here. This is it.  This is the night.  I walk up to a mailbox on the corner and drop the letter in.  I sigh, and then squeeze Sher's hand.


	12. Burn Now, What Once Was Breathing

As we're jostled down the street in the evening rush hour I hear several people comment.  "Watch it shrimp," 

"Shouldn't you be with your mommy?"

 All coming from above me.  Why am I so damn short and thin?

Sher hears and wraps her arms around my waist as we follow my directions away from the city's hustle and bustle and toward an emptier warehouse district.  "Don't worry about them." She says, as we walk.  "They don't know you. To me, you're perfect." She kisses me to reassure my hopes, and perhaps her own.  

I follow the number/letter combinations on the warehouse doors.  As we continue they get shabbier and shabbier.  We finally come to our stop.  The paint of the door is nearly gone, but we still can make out that it's the right one.  The metal frame is rusty and it hardly seems to be standing up.

There's a crack in the door, I slip through and Sher follows, our hands still clasped.

It's pitch black and I feel my way forward, holding onto Sherin's hand tightly.  Suddenly the lights in the warehouse jump to life.  The cavernous room is lit with a gray gleam and I blink and clasp Sherin's hand tightly as my eyes adjust.  Trinity is standing in the corner. 

 "Hello Em." She says.  

"Trinity," I nod.  I grip Sher's hand and then clear my throat. "This is Sherin."

Trinity's nods and a sad smile passes over her face for a moment, but is gone so quickly I can't tell if it was really there or not.  

"Follow me." Trinity says softly.  She leads us out of a door in the back and into a musty old office in the back.  It appears this warehouse was completely abandoned.  There's still mildew-encrusted furniture and water stained wood desks scattering the room, but my eyes barely acknowledge these compared to the other things in here, that most obviously are not left behind.  There is a variety of very high tech looking computer screens and other devices strewn about atop the table and desk-tops.  There's a man with a black ponytail at one computer, and a girl beside him with very short white blonde hair.

"He's bugged." Trinity says as the two in the room rise to acknowledge us.  "Sherin?" Trinity says, "Have you had any nightmares lately? With men in suits?"  She looks puzzled. "No. not that I remember."

"Good." Trinity says.  

"Where do they have him?" the blonde girl says, nodding to me.  

"Tooth." Trinity grimaces.

"Are you telling me that dream was real?" I say to Trinity, shocked. 

"I'm afraid so.  And now we have to extract it or it could alert others of our presence.  The man with the ponytail shakes his head.  "Tough break, man." He says, patting me on the shoulder.

I'm laid back in a chair and Trinity has a very official looking pair of pliers in her hands. Now I know what he means by tough break.

"In most cases getting bugs out is relatively painless, but this new one they've done with the tooth is ugly.  There's not much I can do for it.  Will you be alright?"  Trinity says, looking sympathetic, but also with a tone telling me I don't have much of a choice.  

"I will." I say bravely, and point out the tooth to her.  

She puts the pliers in my mouth and closes it around the tooth.  I grasp Sherin's hand tightly, and with a disgusting squelch tears the tooth out, root and all. I cry out and blood floods my mouth. I clench my mouth shut as soon as the tooth is taken out in the grasp of the pliers and groan, turning my head down toward the floor I spit out a mouthful of blood and saliva on the floor.  The blonde girl hands me a chunk of white gauze which I put in the hole where my tooth was gingerly, and squeeze Sherin's hand.  She looks pale.  

Trinity places the tooth on a hard metal desk and then smashes it with the head of the pliers.  It breaks into a few pieces and a disgusting little worm slithers out.  Sherin shrieks.  It writhes for a moment and then falls still and shrivels back into a little metal ball.  A little light at the head of blinks for a moment then fades.  Trinity smashes it as well, just for good measure. I shudder.

"This is Switch." Trinity says, of the girl who handed me the gauze.  "And Apoch." She adds, nodding toward the man with the ponytail.

  Sitting in one of the filthy old chairs, but with the posture of a king upon his throne, is a large bald man wearing a long leather coat.  

"And this is Morpheus." Trinity says.

He smiles as I gape with the utterance of his name, the pain of my tooth for an instant forgotten. 

"Emerson." He says in a deep slow voice.  "It's good to meet you at last."


	13. You Land As Lightly As The New Snow

Trinity ushers me and Sherin toward him. 

"And this must be Sherin."  He says, each word carefully shaped in his mouth.  "Thank you for coming to me.  You both show great courage in this act alone." 

I disregard Morpheus's compliment, still in awe of seeing him, "You were the greatest hacker in the country." I gasp, "In the world!" I add, boldly.   

Morpheus chuckles.

"Don't get ahead of yourself Em.  There are some that can rival me."  He smiles quickly at Trinity.

"But then you just disappeared." I continue, "Now you just appear randomly as though from thin air, and then disappear back into the mists."  I say this half explaining to Sherin and half speaking in awe to Morpheus.  "Where have you been all these years?" I whisper.

"I have been freed from this world in which you are imprisoned." Morpheus says, his voice turning grave.  "And now I have to ask you, if you are ready to have the same happen to you.  If you are ready to give up everything you know, and free your mind to a whole new world of possibility and color."

My heart leaps.

At that moment, though, Apoch's cell phone rings, and he answers it.  After a moment of silence he curses under his breath and then shuts off the phone with a snap.  "Agents." He says, rising from his seat.

"Apoch. Are you sure?" Trinity says quickly, looking at Sherin and me.

"Operator confirmed it." He says, his voice full of dread.

"What? What are agents?" Sherin asks fearfully.

"Enemies."  Morpheus says.  "Trinity." He mutters. "We've got to get them out of here.  If you can buy them some time I can get them to safety."

She nods, her face taught with anxiety.

Morpheus leads Sherin and me out of the room 

"Follow me," he says, breaking into a run as we get outside the back of the warehouse.  I can hear rounds of bullets begin to be fired as we flee.  I hold tight to Sherin's hand as we dash quickly in and out of the alleys and through warehouses till we reach a wide gap where the drainage waterway goes through. As we head toward it Morpheus speeds up, as if he's going to jump, but it has to be at least 15 feet across. There's no way we'd make it.  We're about to reach the edge and I shout to him, but at that moment he grabs both our arms in his great hands and takes to the air, flying over the jump with ease, Sherin and I dangling from his arms like rag dolls.  We both topple over as soon as we clear the gap and he helps us up and motions for us to continue.  We keep running doggedly until we reach another warehouse, where we slip inside and rest for a moment. 

 "How the hell did you do that?" I gasp, catching my breath. 

"Hell, Em," Morpheus says, "Has nothing to do with it."

He pulls out his gun.  Sherin's hand tenses in mine.

"Who are these agents?" I ask, my voice full of fear.

Morpheus pauses for a moment, and then speaks. 

 "They are the ones who do not want you to escape this world."

"Why?" Sherin says, worried.

"The whys and hows do not matter at this moment. All you need to know for now, is that if these men catch you, they will kill you, and that the little skip I did over that watermain is one hundred times less impressive than any feat an agent can accomplish."  

He loads his gun and then stands, looking around slowly, "We have to keep moving."  


	14. On A Freezing Note, I Resonate

"Morpheus," I say quietly.  "I don't care what happens to me, but you need to tell me you won't let them get her." I say, pressing my hand tightly against hers.

"Em, please," Sherin says quietly.

"No, Sherin," I say gently, "I got you into this.  I'm going to do everything to get you out, whether or not I do." 

"Em." Morpheus says, his strong hand on my shoulder. "We are going to make it."

We start running again.  Further, out of the stock yards and lots of warehouses and toward the docks in the harbor.  As we run Morpheus's phone starts ringing.  He holds up his hand and we stop running for a moment, panting.  He clicks his phone open and then says deeply, "Operator?"

There's a pause.

"Only one?" He glances quickly toward us. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes. Alright.  We'll Hurry."

He puts away his phone, and then turns to us.  "Sherin," he says, taking off his glasses to look at her, "we need to get you out of here. Right now I can only take Em with us. It's hard to explain why at this moment, but will you take my word that we will come back for you?"

She swallows hard and nods. 

"Very well," Morpheus says.  "Sherin you need to get on a ferry that's leaving here in five minutes.  It's a few docks to the left of here. Dock 5-A."  He pulls out a wallet from his trench coat and hands her a few bills. "You've got to run as fast as you can to catch it. Once you're on board try not to look suspicious.  Get some water, calm down.  We'll contact you as soon as is humanly possible.  If your parents ask you where you were, you've got to tell them that you were shopping.  Pick some things up on the way home if you want to, there's enough money there for anything you'll need.  Don't rush home.  Act as if all you were doing was shopping.  You've got to be very, very careful Sherin." He says, his hand on her shoulder.  "Are you ready?" he says.

"Yes." She musters, putting on a brave face and taking my hand. "I love you." she says softly and kisses me quickly.  

"I'll see you soon!" I call back as she runs into the night.

"I love you." I whisper under my breath.

"Em.  Now you and I have to run."

We dash along the docks in the opposite direction of Sherin.  

"Where are you taking me?" I pant as we run.

"You'll find out soon." He says. "Somewhere.  Real."  He adds, spurring me on and increasing his pace.

We run for a while longer.  My legs feel as if they're about to give out when suddenly we slow to a walk.

"Quickly." Morpheus says.  He leads me into a small shipyard warehouse.  There, I'm amazed to see more computers and things set up. 

Still more amazed am I, to see Switch and Apoch standing there.  

"Where's Trinity?" Morpheus says, sounding, for the first time this night, afraid. 

"She's back out.  Got nicked by a few bullets, but she'll be alright." Switch says, handing him a small metal case.   

Morpheus nods, looking relieved and then takes the metal case in his hands and sits me down in the corner of the room.  

"Em." He says gravely.  "We don't have much time, but in this amount of time, I need you to make a very important choice."

I nod, not fully understanding what he asks.

"Do you want to know the truth?"  He says.  "And not just a slight wanting," he adds. "Do you hope for it and pray for it, above all else.  Does it occupy your thoughts? Does the idea of the real truth about the world fill your heart with hope?"

"It's the only hope I have." I say.  _Now that Sherin's gone, I think in afterthought._

Morpheus pauses.  He looks at me seriously and then opens the little metal box that Switch gave him.  He turns it upside down in his hand and two small objects fall out.

He closes his hands before I can glimpse them, and I look back into his eyes.  "Now is the time when you make the choice, on what you will accept as your truth." He says, his hands unfolding.

Sitting, candy bright in either hand, are two pills.  One is red and one blue.  


	15. I Left It All Behind

"Em." Morpheus says, "You are at the point of no return.  The point where you make the choice that will change your life, irrevocably, forever."  

I swallow hard and move my eyes back down from his stony face to the pills.  

"If you chose to take the blue pill you will awake in your bed and life for you will continue as it always has, this night a mere memory."

I twist my hands nervously in my lap.

"If you choose to take the red pill, then you will allow me to make this night a memory, but a dull one, compared to the color of life to come."

I feel a droplet of sweat trickle down my forehead.  

"And…Sherin?"

A shadow of a smile flits across his face.  "I admire your loyalty Em.  Sherin will be given the same choice when we come back to her.  Which we _will." He reassures, and then he adds, "And if she cares for you half as much as you seem to care for her, then I'm sure she'll follow you."_

I hesitate for a moment longer, and then quickly grab the red pill and pop it in my mouth.  Apoch hands me a glass of water and I down it, and then he quickly sits down on a computer, and begins clicking around madly, typing and looking at numbers, but he's quickly blocked from my view as Morpheus sits me down. 

 "Take off your shirt." He says, pulling over a box that has wires attached to it.

I'm somewhat reluctant, but the seriousness of his voice spurs me to hurry.  Once it's off I shiver in the cold air. It doesn't help when Morpheus puts cold sticky medical sensors on my chest.  Ghostly green lines skip up and down with my nervous pulse on a monitor.  He sticks two to my temples and then puts a hand on my bony shoulder.  "Relax as best you can, Em…Soon you'll have all the answers you desire."   I sit back and breathe deeply.  I can't help but feel tense.  The rapid clacking of the computer keyboard, feverish mutterings between Morpheus, Apoch, and Switch, the skittering noise of the rats shimmying along the floor of the filthy old warehouse.

I become rather intrigued by the rats.  There seem to be a huge amount of them crawling around on the ground.  I'm watching one in the corner, who's nibbling on something, when I feel something brush over my shoe.  I recoil as I see a naked tail swish into the shadows.  I look back at the little rat in the corner and find he has been joined by two others.  I'm surprised to see them looking straight at me with beady black eyes.  A fourth rat emerges from the shadows.  My eyes drift to other corners of the room. More rats, emerging from little holes and cracks here and there.  All of them, I'm shocked to see, staring at me with their shining eyes.  I look back to the original corner, and the little rats are no longer there.  They're closer.  They've skittered toward me, a hungry look in their cold stares.  More of them, crawling toward me, filthy fat rats.  

"Morpheus." I say, afraid. 

"Have you ever had nightmares, Em?"  He says slowly.  "What did they entail? Things from reality?" 

There's a pause, and I feel frozen to the chair as the rats scuttle toward me.

"Monsters under the bed, Ghosts in the attic…Rats…Rats in the floorboards.  But are these things really something we should fear?"

I feel a hairy little hide brush by my heel, and another over my foot.  Suddenly with a yelp one crawls up the outside of my jeans, its little filthsome claws digging into my jeans.  "Morpheus." I murmur, clutching the handles of the chair I sit in tightly.

"These dreams feel so real.  What if the vivid fears and hopes of your dreams could come true?  They feel real.  How can they be though? How can any of it be real?  If it meant pain, would you still want the truth, rather than a safe, but unreal environment?"  

Morpheus turns suddenly.  "Apoch?"

"Almost there!"

"Morpheus!" I cry, as the rat rounds over my knee and its hollow eyes glare at me keenly.  It crawls up my leg further.  "MORPHEUS!" I repeat urgently.

"I've got him!" Apoch cries, just as the filthy beast leaps for my face, and suddenly my eyes roll back into my head, and I know no more.


	16. Just Like A Memory It Twists Me

Jim signed off the internet.  It was Friday, and still no contact with Em.  He sighed, and wandered downstairs.  He opened the refrigerator and drank some milk from the carton.  No one was home, it was no big deal.  At that moment he heard that mail slot clank open and then tap shut with the flutter of letters on the welcome mat.  He wandered out and picked up the letters, rifling through.  Bill, junk, bill, mom, bill, dad, junk….

One for him.  The return address was Em's house.  He dropped all the other mail and immediately dashed up the stairs to his room. 

He sat down on his bed with the letter, his fingers shaking slightly.   He flipped it over and slid his finger under the flap and tore.  

Inside was a hastily written letter in what Jim recognized as Em's handwriting immediately.  

_Dear Jim,_

_If you are reading this, then it means that I have made it to __Boston__ and dropped this letter in a mailbox.  I know it takes several days for letters to deliver between us, so if you receive this and have spoken to me, then you can disregard it, I suppose.  If not, then this is a last goodbye._

_          As far as I know at this moment, I'm not coming back. I'm going to meet Trinity, and I imagine she's not working alone, and that I'll be leaving with her and perhaps a few others.  She told me, when we spoke, that I would have to give up everything. While I don't quite understand what she means, I'd imagine I'm leaving home, __Boston__, and maybe even the country.  I'm not sure.  All I know is that it has to be better that the life I've been living has been._

_          Understand also, that you and Sherin have been the only two people who made this life worthwhile, and that, while I may be going on to a new life, I'll never forget you.  I'd reminisce more, but you were there.  You know how much we've shared, how much we…I don't know why this is hard to say.  How much we love each other.  You're my greatest friend.  _

_-Em_

Jim read it twice and felt his eyes well up.  He swallowed hard and stared at the ceiling.  A tear leaked out of his eye and rolled down his cheek.  Jim bit his lip and punched his pillow.

 "DAMNIT!" he cried, muffling his face in his pillow to stifle a sob, and he wept. After a moment he slowly stood with the letter, his chest heaving. He opened his window, and tearing the letter to shreds, let it fly in the sharp autumn breeze. 

 "Goodbye." He whispered, forcing down a sob, and then closed the window and turned away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**(Author's Note: PLEASE—If you read—Review!! I know it's stupid, but I really like the reinforcement!! I love you all!! *blows kisses*)**


	17. I Feel The Fallen Stars Encircle Me

My eyes flutter open to a bright sharp light.  I quickly clench them shut again.  I try to move, but all my limbs feel dull and heavy.  I open my eyes again, slowly.  There are gleaming lights above me, that burn my eyes as I look at them.  I squint, and move my mouth a little.  My lips move over my teeth and gums, my tongue stretches in my mouth.  I breathe in deeply through my nose.  I try to say a word and all that comes out is a dull breathy sound.  

_I was going for "Hello" _

I think to myself.  

_Where am I?_

I wonder, in afterthought.

 I rack my brain for memories.  All at once it comes flooding into me.  Boston, Sherin, Jim, School, Computers, Trinity, the warehouse, Morpheus, rats.  I swallow.  

Suddenly the painful light is blocked by a silhouette.  "He's awake." Says a warm deep voice that I can't recognize.

I try once again, to speak.  

"Heeeeeeeehhhh" I manage.

"Shhh." The man says, his hand on my head.  "It's alright. You're doing fine."

Then, I hear Morpheus's voice.  "Is he already conscious?"

"Mmm!" I say urgently, frustrated that I can't articulate.

"It's seems like it," the other man says, Morpheus's silhouette joining his above me.

"Mmmooohh," I try again.

"Peace, Em. Peace." Morpheus says "I'm here."

I feel panicked though.  _What's happened to me? Where am I? Where's Sherin? What day is it?_

All these thought buzz through my mind and I can't find a way to say it. 

Suddenly I feel fatigued. My eyelids are heavy, and I struggle for wakefulness.  

"Calm down, Em.  You'll have answers soon." Morpheus says gently.

I breathe deep and my eyelids fall.

Conversations drift through my mind.  I can't tell if I've somehow dreamed them or if I'm hearing them in a half sleeping state.

"He's small isn't he?  How old is he?"

"Fourteen."

"He looks so frail. Like a little mouse…"


	18. In The Shadow Of A Star

The next days, or weeks (I can't really tell) pass in a haze. Stirring out of dreamless sleep on a hard steel table.  Cold.  Pain.  Morpheus and Trinity above me.  Bright white lights.

I wake up on a steel cot with a mattress upon it.  A blanket has been pulled up around my neck.  I'm dressed in a black wool shirt, slightly wear-worn, and some dull gray pants, secured with buttons at the top. On my feet there's pair of black strapped boots.  My arms still feel slightly weak, as do my legs, but I manage to sit up in bed, and then swing my legs off the side of it.  I realize, with a jolt, that there's an IV in my arm.  I lift up my sleeve and gasp.  It's somehow stuck in a plug in my arm.  Suddenly I have a flash of memory.  Red. Red liquid.  A tank.  Plugs. Metal. Cold. 

 I grab the tube in my arm and pull the IV out.  The ugly black plug remains imbedded in my skin.  I run my fingers over it.  I move my hands to my head and I pull the knit cap off and notice it's bare of its usual mop of brown hair.  Instead, there's a fine peach fuzz growing there, like my head was shaved.  I look around.  It seems like I'm in some kind of cell. I slowly pull myself to me feet.  

"Hello?" I say, surprised to hear my own voice so loud and clear.

"Hello?" I say again, louder.

With a clanking sound the door of my room opens and Trinity walks in.  "Em. You're awake." She says, her voice sounding happier than I've ever heard it.

"How long have I been asleep?" I say, my mind racing with questions.

"Almost three weeks." She says.  "You woke up from time to time, as I'm sure you know, but this is the first time you've been fully conscious. You know, up and about."

"What's happened to me?" I say, feeling my hair again. Suddenly, with a jolt, I realize on the back of my head, near the end of my hairline there's cold metal imbedded in my skin.  My hand pulls away as soon as I touch it, but reluctantly I draw my fingers back over it and shudder at the touch of a round steel plug.

"Please, save your questions for Morpheus.  All your answers will be given to you."

Trinity turns her back to me and walks from the room.  I follow her, rubbing my hands over my arms in the cold.  Morpheus meets me halfway down a steel corridor.  

"Em." He says, smiling.  He's dressed in a tattered red sweater and the same grayish pants as me.  He has a thick leather cord with a pendant on the end around his neck.  "How are you feeling?"

"Cold." I say, automatically.

He smiles quickly, and puts a hand on my shoulder.  "What are you thinking?"

And suddenly it seems like the dam that stemmed the flow from between my brain and my mouth burst, and all the questions I had in my head babbled out my mouth.

Morpheus seemed a little taken aback, but not unkindly.  He watched me and listened to my stream of queries.  

"As to your most basic questions—where you are—first I should tell you when you are."  I notice as he says this that Trinity slips away to leave us alone. Morpheus and I sit down on benches that are in the corridor.  

"When I am?" I say, puzzled.

"The year is somewhere around 2200, about two hundred years later than you believe it to be. We're really not sure, because most written histories have long since the time you've been living in been destroyed."

"What happened to me? How did I get here? Or…to now?"

"You were always existing in this time.  Your body did anyway, but your mind was plugged into a different time and place.  Do you remember waking up?"

I have another flash of memory.  A red film sticking to my face, and blurred sights around me.  Bodies. Red liquid. Cold.  

"Kinda." I reply, trying to hold on to these bits and pieces in my mind. "Where was that place?"

"It is where your body was living, while your mind existed somewhere else.  In Boston, in an October 200 years ago."  

I swallow hard, "And…And the plugs?"

"They kept your body alive and believing in its mental state.  When your mind told you that you were eating, your body was given nourishment.  When your mind told you that you were experiencing happiness, electrical signals sent through that plug in the back of your head told your brain's pleasure center something that wasn't physically true." 

"So. The world I lived in.  It wasn't real.  It was all a big lie? Is that what Trinity meant?"

"Yes.  We call it The Matrix.  The world that they used as distraction…A preoccupation. While they could do their work."

"Who's they?"

"The machines." Morpheus says calmly. "From what we've learned over the years, apparently as technology advanced around the time you've been living in, people created a beautiful new form of technology known as AI."

"Artificial Intelligence." I say, already knowing some about it.

"Soon machines were programmed to do the menial tasks that people didn't want to bother with. They were given work in mines, factories, restaurants.  But their minds were programmed too well, and advancements continued to come about.  They began to learn of their own will.  To understand.  To feel.  And their feeling was not one of gratitude.  There was a war, and in the process the world was badly damaged.  We'd developed the technology for all machines to run off solar energy, so as a last resort, we decided to scorch the sky with toxins that would hang there in the atmosphere and block out the sun's rays.  It was a desperate move, but humans felt sure of victory after this plan…This was not so.  The machines were quick to act with their source of energy gone…. And they found their salvation in their greatest enemies."

"Humans." I murmur, feeling the plug in my arm.

"Precisely."  Morpheus says.  "The machines knew all about the human anatomy.  And they knew that humans, with their warm blood, produced an abundance of heat.  Heat, that when harnessed correctly would make energy."

"Why go to so much trouble to survive when the earth was utterly destroyed though? What did they have to gain?" I say, drinking in all of this information with a sickly feeling of wonder and amazement.

"For the same reason that humans went to all the trouble to destroy the greatest source of life in the solar system.  Dominance.  An age old theme.  When it comes down to it, it's what all wars are about.  Not over land, or beliefs, but about what that land or belief must grant you.  Dominance. Power. Superiority.  The machines, after enslaving the human race, had a ruling hand over the entire world.  And they created a program known as the matrix, to keep humans confined in their own little worlds, and to produce all the heat that kept them alive, and in power."  

There's a pause.  I feel numb.  It all fits together.  It all makes sense.  I feel sick that I devoted so much of my life to computers, only to find that one day my trusty monitor and CPU would sprout legs and turn on me.  Then I realize, this is probably the same way that Trinity, or Morpheus felt.  Suddenly, another thought strikes me.

"Well, then how are we here? Me and you and Trinity?"

"Ah.  That is a story I was hoping you'd ask me." Morpheus smiles.  

"Years ago, when the matrix was a very new program, a man was born inside, just like you or me, but as he grew up in the matrix, he found that he could control things.  Change things.  He soon discovered the truth and freed himself.  Then he devoted the rest of his days to freeing other minds.  He began a city known as Zion, that is located deep beneath the earth's mantle, near its core, where there is still some heat left.  When he died, the oracle, a seer, prophesized his return, and that when he did return, the matrix would be torn away, and humans would triumph at last.   Well, with his beginnings Zion grew and grew.  Ships were built, much like the Nebudchanezzar, the one you're on now, and minds were freed.  Now we await the coming of The One, and the freedom of all people."

I sigh with the end of the story.  It was so much information to take in.  "So," I say after a pause.  "How do you get into the matrix if you've been unplugged?"

Morpheus smiles. "The matrix, Em, is just like any other computer program or website. It can be hacked into. Around the places we fly in our ship, we find areas where we can broadcast a pirated matrix signal, and hack our way into the matrix.  Your body stays on the ship, and your mind goes into the matrix."  

I nod, not fully understanding yet, but getting the gist of things.

"Well, where are we now? I mean, I know we're on a ship. But where in the world? Are we underground?"

"Yes.  We generally stay below ground.  It's too dangerous above.  The cities that had been built before the war were enormous metropolises.  When the cities were leveled the huge sewers that snaked underground remained.  That's where we are now."

I nod again, my brain processing everything very quickly.

"Why is it dangerous above ground?"

Morpheus smiles again, seemingly bemused with all of my questions, but he is quite ready to answer. 

"The machines.  Of course they know about us by now, and are constantly tracking us.  We're generally good at evading them, but it's always a problem when we're broadcasting.  When you're inside the matrix, your mind is in the matrix.  If the signal connecting your brain with your body was suddenly torn away, you would die.  So, if the machine's sentinel robots, or squiddies find us while we have people in matrix, it's a problem."

"Why's that?" I say. "Can't you just shoot them?"

"Well, some ships are equipped with guns, but our one weapon is an EMP, or electromagnetic pulse." 

I nod.  

"It shorts out all electricity in a large radius around the ship, so if we're ever threatened by sentinels, it will protect us." He continues. "But, it will also short out a pirate connection with the matrix, which would kill anyone inside.  That's the reason we brought you and not Sherin."

"There were sentinels after you?" I gasp.

"Yes.  We only had time to pick up one of you from the drop point where you were discarded after you were unplugged, before we could flee to a haven.  Since then we haven't been able to find a safe point to land and broadcast."

I sigh and lean back on the wall, resting the back of my head against the cool steel.  "Wow." I say, my eyes closed, but my mind full of images.

"It is quite incredible." Morpheus says.  I hear him stand and I open my eyes and sit up.  "Come with me.  I want you to meet the rest of the crew."


	19. In The Dark, Sunk Into Velvet

Morpheus walks down the corridor and across a steel catwalk to another room, with pipes and computer looking devices hooked up all around us.  There stands Trinity, Apoch, and Switch, along with two men I've never seen before.

"You already know these three." Morpheus says, waving at them lightly.  "This is Tank, our operator." He says, introducing me to the shorter of the two men, muscular with a keen face and curly black hair.  He shakes my hand firmly.  "And this is his older brother Dozer."  Dozer's a good bit taller with a bald head and a kind smile.  "Good to see you up and about Mouse." He says, grinning broadly.

I look at Morpheus questioningly and he smiles.  "While you were asleep Dozer took to calling you Mouse.  I hope you don't mind, because generally his nicknames stick."

I smile, and shrug.  "It's alright with me.  I suppose I am starting a new life."

Dozer smiles even more broadly at this and I can't help but smile a bit wider too.

Suddenly my stomach growls loudly enough for everyone to hear and have a good laugh.  

"To the mess?" Trinity suggests.  Everyone else murmurs in assent and I follow them through the corridors to a room where tables are set and there's some plain flatware and tin plates.  I don't however; see any place where food could be prepared.  Dozer grabs some plates off the counter and puts them under a dispensing tube that extends out of the ceiling.  He pulls a knob on it and out of the nozzle gloops some whitish stuff into the plate.  He sets the plate down with a clatter and Tank quickly grabs it and a spoon and begins to eat.   Trying not to sound as disgusted as I am at the sight of this, I ask Tank, "What is that?"  

"It's a special substance made from synthetic vitamins, electrolytes, and amino acids.  It replenishes the body's needed chemicals so it can continue to function."

"It's everything the body needs." Dozer says, slapping a plate down before me.

_Not_. I think to myself, prodding the slop with a spoon.  But I'm famished at this point and accept anything they'll offer me.  Expecting a foul taste I'm actually relieved by its rather bland flavor. Or lack thereof.  I gobble down the rest, relieved to have a full stomach, and lean back slightly from the table and sigh.

Trinity smiles gently at me from across the table, but it's hard for me to smile when the one thing on my mind is Sherin.  I wonder how she's doing…

a/n: thanks for the wonderful reviews you guys!! Keep up the reviewing, and I'll keep up the writing!!!! ^_^


	20. I'll Leave A Stain Because I Bleed

Sherin felt tears welling in her eyes as she walked past all the yellow ribbons tied up around school and her neighborhood.  Em had been "missing" for almost three weeks now.  Sherin was torn up inside.  As soon as she got home she ran to her room and threw herself onto her bed.  She tried to cry but the tears wouldn't come now.  She'd already shed all she could muster, so she sobbed dryly into her blankets.  There'd been pity calls, and pats on the back, but she'd hung up on them and shaken them off.  She was still holding out hopes that they would come for her.  That she would be whisked off to wherever Em had disappeared to.

_Anywhere but here_. She thought, her sobs subsiding.

She remembered that Morpheus had told her, quite firmly, that they'd come back for her.  That she wouldn't be alone for long.  "As soon as humanly possible" he'd said.  Maybe it was that they just hadn't been able to come for her yet.

She wondered if they'd ever come, or if Em would just vanish without a trace into the mists, nothing more than a memory…

…………………………………………………….

My nickname, "Mouse", as Morpheus predicted, caught on quickly, and soon Em was abandoned completely.  I was learning fast, mostly from Tank, who became a good companion, all about The Matrix and the things it entailed.  I woke up one morning to my first day in the chair.

"Relax sweetie." Said Tank in a feminine voice.  "We're gonna have some fun."

I heard him clicking away on the computer and then Trinity was above me.  "This might feel strange for a moment." She said, putting a cool palm on my forehead. And then with a scraping noise I felt the strangest sensation of my life.  It was as if someone had inserted a knife into the back of my head, but it didn't hurt.  I just suddenly was completely aware of the absence of matter in that void.  It felt cold and uncomfortable for a moment and then all of the sudden I felt my eyes fly open and I was not lying down anymore.  I was standing in a very empty space.  White. All around me.

I walked a few feet in all directions before I was distracted from my exploring.

"Welcome to the construct." Morpheus's voice said behind me.  I twisted around to see him standing in very nice suit, with the same sunglasses on that he had worn when we'd first met.  He looked powerful.

"The what?" I said, slowly, tearing my eyes from him to look around at the vast void about me.

"It is a program." Morpheus explains.  "Much like the one the machines started with.  Their palette on which they painted the matrix.  Only we have our own, that we can manipulate in any way we like.  You've already done something, without even knowing."

"What's that?" I say, looking around me, puzzled.

"Look down." Morpheus smiles.

I look down at my shoes. And realize, they're my old shoes.  And I'm wearing my old jeans.  And a t-shirt I'd liked.  I run a finger through my hair, and find my old mop is back.  I twist a little hair around my finger, thinking of Sherin.

"This is what we call your residual self image." Morpheus explains. "Your brain still has memories from the matrix.  What your voice sounded like.  What style of hair you had.  What your clothes looked like.  When we plug into the construct, the computer picks this up and dresses us accordingly to what we remember ourselves as.  For instance, notice in your arms and head, that all your plugs are gone."

I feel the back of my head through my hair and nothing is there but scalp.  My arms and back too, are bare of metal.

"This is not the only thing that we can have though.  We also can make things appear with programming.  For instance…Tank." He says, addressing an invisible operator. "Chairs."

Two leather upholstered chairs appeared out of nowhere beside us.

"Gun." He said.  Suddenly there was a gun, sitting on the armrest of the chair nearest to him.

"These are all just items, though.  We also have programs with entire backdrops…Party."

I felt my hair lift off my face and suddenly I was surrounded by other people, Morpheus standing in front of me.  Music was playing and people were dancing and drinking. 

"All of them?.." I say, trailing off as I look at the crowd.

"Programs." Morpheus finishes plainly.

"This is very useful for training.  You're going to begin combat training soon, and gunmanship.  This is all extremely concentrated though, and the construct isn't needed for it.  Instead, the construct is used for sparring programs between more than one person within the ship.  Or for acquiring items which we can then take into the Matrix.  Back." Morpheus says, and we flash back to the white plain backdrop.

"For example, if I need a gun, Tank can make one appear for me in here, and then I can take it with me into the matrix if I choose."

I nod, taking this all in.  

"It's sort of like cheats in a video game, right? Loading in weapons and things?"

Morpheus smiles.  "Exactly Mouse.  Which leads me to my next point.  You know, as a hacker, that rules of programs can be easily bent.  And some of them broken.  The matrix is full of little programs that make it into a mock-reality.  Things like, oh…gravity."

He smiles at me briefly, and then interjects. "Tank.  Load the jump program."

I feel my hair whip about my face once more and then suddenly I'm standing on the rooftop of a building.  

"You have to remember that this isn't real.  You aren't on a rooftop.  You're sitting on a chair on a ship underground.  Once you realize that, you can free your mind.  Once you free your mind, you can do this."

He turned from me, and began to run.  Once he reached the edge of the building, not slowing down a pace, leapt off, and instead of plummeting downward, he flew, like a bird soaring, over to the next building, and landed.  

I looked over at him with squinting eyes.  He was now a tiny figure on the building across the four lanes of traffic below me.  And he was motioning for me to do the same.

I felt fear welling up in my stomach.  

How was I supposed to do this? I didn't know what was going on…I barely knew anything about anything.  Now I was supposed to just automatically…

I stopped.  I took a deep breath.  

"I'm in a chair on a ship underground."  I breathe to myself, and then I close my eyes and start running.  I open them when I get near the ledge, and then I jump up onto the ledge and thrust myself forward.   

For a moment I feel like I've done it.  Like I'm going to make it.  And then fear it seems, catches up with me midair.  I look down, and suddenly gravity takes a firm hold on me, and the ground is racing toward me.  I land on the ground and it caves in below me, as I continue to fall, and then elastically, it springs back up, like an asphalt camouflaged trampoline, and I fly back into the air, not quite as high.  Then with a dull thud I land on the pavement.  This time feeling very much like pavement.

With a flash I'm back in the chair and I feel the plug being slid out of the back of my skull.  My knees and face hurt, and I feel warm salty blood in my mouth.  I taste it uncertainly.

"Your mind makes the injuries real." Morpheus says, standing before me and answering my unspoken query.

"I failed." I say, feeling ashamed.  

"Don't worry," Dozer says from behind me, his hand on my shoulder, "Nobody makes their first jump."

This encourages me slightly, but I run my finger through my hair, recalling that now it's just fuzz again, and I feel a wistfulness in the pit of my stomach.

……………………………………

I stand on the roof of the school.  Em and I used to creep up here and make out, I recall. It seems like years ago that he was with me though.  I take a deep breath, looking down.   It's got to be…three stories.

I swallow hard, my eye focusing staring hard at the pavement below me, but it's fading in and out of vision as my tears blur my eyes.  A burst of wind behind me tilts me close to the edge.  I realize how stupid I'm being.

 Biting my lip for the millionth time since that night, I finally break the skin and blood spills into my mouth.  I suck my lip gingerly, remembering the day Em and I met.

The search parties are coming up empty.  Sweeping through the woods behind his house, combing alleyways in the area.  

Going into the city and asking around.  Putting up posters.  I even saw him on the news.  It was a picture from a Christmas party at his house last year.  He's smiling.

I saw his parents at the mortuary on Sunday.  They were picking out an empty casket to bury his memory in.

The blood tastes salty and metallic.  I sniff my nose and rub my burning raw eyes.   It's cold, and the wind is whipping through my hair and biting my neck and face.

I step down off the ledge slowly, and then back away.  I run all the way home and I don't look back. 

…………….

A/N: that last bit is from sherin's perspective—for anyone confused.

I know I can be that way sometimes.  Reviews greatly appreciated!!! :-D


	21. I'd Stop It, Had You A Heart

Days later I began combat training, and immediately fell in love with the programs.  I learned as much fighting as I could absorb, and loved practicing.  I thought perhaps I'd been getting rather good, but one spar with Apoch showed me I still had a lot to learn.  I'd been elated to find I could leap farther than I'd ever imagined I could.  I still couldn't quite master the jump program, but my thirst for these news skills and knowledge was virtually insatiable.  When I wasn't training within the construct, Tank was showing me how to create my own programs outside of it.  Always however, in the back of my mind, was Sherin. It had been 6 weeks, and still, there was no sign of a safe place to land and broadcast.  Apparently the sentinels had been quite busy of late.

One day when sitting with Trinity, but otherwise alone in the mess hall finishing our dinners, I put down my spoon and looked at her.

"Trinity." I said softly. "What are agents?"

I still hadn't learned anything about them since the brief description of them given to me on the night of my escape from the matrix.  But now, not learning any more about them, I felt solidified the fact I wasn't going back in.  I wanted to know about them, so that I was ready. And so that they knew I was ready to go and see her again.

Trinity paused looking at me. 

"They're programs within the matrix.  Just like other things.  Trees, buildings, cars, animals.  Those are all programs.  Only they are there just as benign things to keep us occupied.  Agent programming wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the rebels.  They're in human form, always dressed like what you know as a secret service agent.  Suits and dark glasses.  They are constantly tied into the matrix and all its little nuances.  When we hack in, if we somehow don't have a secure line, then they will immediately know.  They are unbeatable.  They are programmed to be able to do all the things that we can do in the matrix, and then much more.   They can leap farther, kick harder, load clips faster, and move more swiftly than anyone ever could who was freed from the matrix.  Whenever we see an agent, there are two options.  Run, or die.  Their one goal is to destroy the resistance.  They will not hesitate to kill you, or anyone around you, even if that person is simply a civilian.  We're constantly in danger of them when we're freeing new minds."

"But they're still programs like anything else, right?" I say, thinking quickly, "They can't move much faster than you or me, as long as they're confined to a human form. It's just not possible.  I mean, besides, how would they know how to find you guys, exactly pinpointed?"

"Because not only are they tied into people coming into the matrix, they're constantly tied into everyone who is already plugged in.  If someone sees one of us, whether they know it or not, an agent sees too.  If they're looking out for us in a certain area, and someone takes a second notice of us for any reason, then they will know.  And they will most likely then inhabit."

"Inhabit?" I say, slowly.

"Yes." Trinity says coldly.  "The one thing you have to know about the matrix, Mouse, is that if you're not one of us, you always have the potential to become an agent.  They can take the body of any person plugged in, and inhabit them with a program.  That way, if by some fluke, the agent is injured, it automatically does the person plugged in damage, not the agent.  He can flee to another host as soon as this damage occurs.  You have to be prepared to kill any civilian you come across who you see becoming an agent.  It happens quickly, but there are tell-tale signs."

"Like what?" I ask.

"It's too hard to explain without showing you…but you'll learn.  Don't worry.  You'll start agent training soon enough."

After a few more moments in silence, where I pondered and she stared at the dregs of her glop, oozing around the bottom of her tray, I stood, and with a clatter slapped down my plate, and then hurried out of the mess without a backward glance.  

I lay down in bed that night, and though mentally and physically tired, I couldn't stop thinking about Sherin.  Trinity's new words about agents struck a chord with me.  She'd said, anyone who wasn't one of us…it made it sound like Sherin was an enemy…but surely she couldn't mean that.  No.

I told myself this firmly, before drifting into dreams.

……………………………………………………………………..

A/N: Alright, lately I've been a very good little girl about keeping ahead of myself in my writing so I don't run out of chapters for all you readers out there.  However, due to lag in the holiday season I'm currently running out of chapters. I'm working diligently, but if there's bigger time gaps from posted chapter to chapter, don't fret. I'm still working!! Please review!! THANKS!!!


	22. I Cannot Stay Here, I Cannot Leave

The next day I approached Morpheus, who was seated by Dozer and Switch near the helm speaking in low voices. 

 "Um…Morpheus?" I said, hoping I wasn't impeding. 

"Yes, Mouse?" he said, looking up kindly.  

"I was…just wondering…If you'd found a good broadcasting level yet…" I say, trailing off, realizing how childish I sound.  Like a kid in the backseat of a car, berating his parents with "Whenarewegonnabetheres"

Contrary to my sudden doubts, though, he sighs, taking it as seriously as I do, and shakes his head. 

 "I'm afraid not.  And don't doubt that we are trying, Mouse.  The machines seem to have really beefed up sentinel security in this area of the sewers.  We've been searching for an opening, but it's been very difficult to secure one before patrols are sent out. We have an ongoing scan, though. Something should turn up."

"Oh." I say, feeling small and underfoot.  I'm about to turn and go when I look back.  "I'm just…really worried about her." I murmur.

Morpheus stands and comes over to me.  He puts a hand on either of my shoulders and presses down with gentle warm weight, squeezing slightly with a paternal air. 

 "I am too, Mouse.  We'll go to her. Soon. I promise."

I feel a lump growing in my throat, and I turn and slide down a ladder and then go to my room and seal off the door, sinking down on the inside to the floor, my head rested against the cool metal.  I feel tears wanting to come out of my eyes, but I bite my lip sharply and blink them back.  

Soon he said.  Soon.

………………………………………………………..

The next day I awake to Tank banging on my door with a tray of "snot" as Apoch calls it, for me. I scarf it down, inquiring as to the occasion for a romantic breakfast in bed like this.  He pretends to blush, and looking at me through his eyelashes says in a high voice. 

"You've got extra training today, honeybunches."

After breakfast I follow tank out to the chairs, my heart pounding a little faster than usual.  Somehow I feel like this is a really important day.  I'm plugged in and I open my eyes to a crowded street.  The sun shines dully through an overcast sky, and there are people shuffling by me on the street.  Everything is dull and gray, and I suddenly wonder…Am I in the matrix?  The other programs seemed less contrived than this…less real and detailed.  A man walking past me scowls.  A woman vaguely roves her eyes over me and clutches her purse a little tighter.  I hear a cooing pigeon somewhere nearby.  Suddenly I notice Morpheus's presence by my side.  

"Follow me." He says. 

He begins speaking, in the serious tone he always takes.  Something about things not always being as they seem. Blah blah blah.  I'm trying to concentrate on what he's saying, but it's difficult to do while at the same time trying to discern if this is the matrix or not.  A man raises an eyebrow at me.  Someone laughs.  A street vender calls out hoarse advertisements for hot dogs.  It seems real.  The sidewalk is strewn with dried up gum and cigarette butts.  I look up, perking my ears to Morpheus's speech, which is still going.  "Until you're unplugged…." He fades out again, as a lovely looking girl walks by.  Her raven hair glints in the sun and it reminds me of Sherin for an instant.  She gives me a half-smile and then shyly blushes, looking away.  

"Are you listening to me Mouse?" Morpheus says, "Or were you staring at that girl who just walked past?"

I swallow, looking at Morpheus.  

"She just-"

"Look back." He says, his eyes traveling to a point over my shoulder.

I turn around and there's a gun's barrel pointed between my eyes. I stare, no time to do anything.  

"Freeze it, Tank." Morpheus's voice comes from behind me.

Suddenly all the sound stops.  All the jostling pedestrians and cars whizzing by stop.  In a delayed reaction I duck out of the way of the now motionless gun.  

My heart beat races as I stare at the cold face staring back at me from the still person holding the pistol.

"Agents." Morpheus says bluntly. "You know about them somewhat.  But the thing you must understand is that anyone you know, Jim, your mother, your father, or even Sherin, can become an agent in an instant.  And they are no longer the person you love.  They are someone who will stop at nothing to see you die."

I swallow hard.  

"This was a simulation.  But it didn't have to be.  Agents are always monitoring any underground movement.  They are fast, strong, and they'll know your every move before you make it.  Your only chance for surviving meeting one, is to run.  And find the nearest exit you can."

I listen dumbly to him lecture me, my insides feeling cold.  Even Sherin.

I leave the chair that day feeling unsettled at all that Morpheus has told me, and have a difficult time falling asleep that night.

………………………………………..

A/N: 22 already!? Wow! My lucky number amount of chapters—and more to come!!! I hope this chapter is lucky enough to score me some reviews!!  Cheers everyone!! ;o)


	23. From Above A Rain Of Ash Descends

The next few days are spent on basic agent training, and then go back to some basic combat and weapons.

I learn to drive like a pro in about 5 minutes.  I think how drivers-ed would have taken up half a school year.  

Another few days pass without event.

I wake up like I usually do, lying face up on my cot, my eyes opening up to cool air.  Blinking several times and focusing on a line of bolts holding together the ceiling above me.  I swallow and take a few deep breaths, shifting slightly under the worn blanket.  I stretch my arms over my head and take in a large yawn, and then sigh, my eyes watering slightly.  I lick my lips and crack my ankles, counting the 28 bolts that arch above me until the beam meets the wall for what seems like the hundredth time.

I chew on a blister on my thumb for a moment and then with a screech and a clank my door opens and Switch stands in the opening, looking apprehensive.  

"Come with me." She says.

I vault out of bed and follow, not bothering to ask where we're going. Switch is a woman of few words, and she seems like she's in too much of a hurry to listen to me anyway.  We make our way down the corridor to the control room where Tank is seated at his regular spot, Dozer standing behind him, wiping his hands with an oily rag.  Morpheus is standing by the chairs, Trinity and Apoch beside him.  

"We found an opening." Morpheus says.  His expression is hard to read.  I'd expect him to be relieved, yet he looks apprehensive, as does Switch, and the others.

"Well…That's good." I say.  "Right?" I add, incredulously, their expressions remaining stony.

"It is good, Mouse." Trinity says.  "But you have to understand that any venture into the matrix is dangerous. And last time we were with you agents found us.  You didn't see them face to face, but Switch, Apoch, and I had to hold them off.  Any of us could have easily been killed.  This is a rescue mission, and a dangerous one."

I nod.  I feel tense just standing among them as they make the preparations for our entry into the matrix.  I twist my hands and bounce slightly on the balls of my feet.  

_This will be my first venture into the matrix since I was unplugged_, I think.

_Hopefully my last.___

I try to relax as I settle back into a chair, my hands gripping the armrests nervously.  Then with a scraping noise my eyes squeeze shut, and when they fly open I'm standing again, my hand holding a phone to my ear. 

"Hang it up." Apoch's voice says from behind me.  

I put the phone down on the receiver and step back, surveying my surroundings.  I realize I'm in a dingy room of the little motel on the edge of the city. I squint out the grimy window to the street outside, and then step back, surveying my threads.  I'm dressed in a comfortable black suit.  I move around in it a little bit, walking across the room.  It'll be fine for running or whatever.  Hopefully I won't need to, though.  I'm absent mindedly examining a fixture on the bedpost when I hear a little buzzing sort of sound.  When I turn around, where air had been stands Switch, holding the receiver. 

She puts it down and then steps back to murmur furtively with Apoch.  I watch the phone this time, and after a moment there's another slight noise and then the phone lifts up and Trinity materializes holding it to her ear.    She steps back, looking nonplussed (unlike me) and then Morpheus appears a moment later.  All of us appear cleaner, and well dressed than we ever are aboard the Nebudchanezzar.  

Morpheus is carrying a large black case.  He sets it on the table and opens the latches.  Inside is a mini-armory.  I'm handed two sig sauers and several clips.  I handle them as though it's second nature, sliding the guns into my holsters, hidden under the jacket of my suit. All my training is finally coming to use.  Everyone else loads up with weapons and then Morpheus slides the case under the musty bed and then stands, looking impressive and strong.  I suddenly feel very small, and all the fear I'd had inside me starts boiling up to the surface.  I feel ridiculous in my little suit with big guns under each arm.  What am I doing?

Then I look up, from staring at my feet.  And everyone's eyes are on me.  Morpheus is looking at me…Could that look be admiration?

"I have to tell you Mouse." He says in a warm voice. "You're the youngest crewmember to be taken on a mission." 

I'm not sure how to feel about this, and I shift my weight from one foot to another, staring up at Morpheus.

"And if you're not sure what that means, I'll tell you.  It doesn't mean you have any reason to worry. What it means is that all of us have complete faith in your abilities, and your strength.  You have absorbed more information and trained harder than anyone with a newly freed mind that I've seen in a long time.  And I believe that with your help, this can be a successful mission."

I feel some of my fear dissipate.  Switch throws me a shadow of a smile, and Apoch nods at me.  Trinity's eyes are full of admiration, and Morpheus's mouth twitches slightly in the corner.  

"Come on." He says suddenly, and we all, without a word, follow out of the room.

……………………………………………………

a/n: AHH! I'm a bum!!! I'm sorry if there's a long wait between chapters, but don't worry - I'm continuing this story! Please review!! Thanks!!


	24. It Shines So Beautifully

I clench my fists and unclench them.  I feel pretty well prepared, actually.  The only program I hadn't mastered completely yet was the jump.  I was close.  I was always really close…But it seemed I'd never quite been able to let go of all my fear and doubt.

We walk single file down the mildewy corridor and then out the door of the dim lobby into the gleaming white winter light.  There's a harsh bite in the air that blows into the north this time of year, and I put my hands into my pockets, in the back of my mind knowing that I'm just being told it's chilly by a plug through my brain.

For some days now we've been prepared in case an opening was found.  Sherin would be notified, we'd head to the city at a meeting point, and I ran over the plan in my head for the millionth time since we'd begun training for it.

We walked to the back parking lot of the motel.  Little brown blades of grass poked up from the cracks in the asphalt, and the ground was scattered with the now-dull foliage.  Everything is stark and bare.  I look up at an overcast sky of threatening clouds, full to bursting with a load of soft white flakes to blanket the false land.

There was a large black car parked in the lot.   We slipped into our respective seats.  Apoch and Morpheus sat up front, while Trinity, Switch and I were comfortably seated on the large bench seat in the back.  My guns dug uncomfortably into my sides and I squirmed to slightly loosen the holsters and pulled at my sleeves nervously.  

Apoch drives smoothly down the highway, the traffic lazy, as the clock on the dashboard flashes a green "1:47".

I stare out the window in wonder….as programmed trees and hillsides I'd grown up with flash by.   We enter the city and cruise through the streets, until we reach a shabbier side of town.  We're meeting her in an overgrown old cemetery behind a little church.  She's going to stop on the way to get some flowers.  If they're red she thinks she's being followed.  If they're white, it's all clear, and if she doesn't have any, it's an abort mission.  

We glide slowly through the streets, moving closer toward our destination.  We make a pass of the front of the church, and round the block to the back of the cemetery.  I see Sherin standing there and my heart leaps in my chest, and I feel my breath catch in my throat.  She's wearing black, standing stock still before a crumbly old gravestone, and carrying a bouquet of white chrysanthemums.  

It's all I can do to not throw open the door, run out and embrace her. I think Trinity notices my tenseness, because she puts a hand on my elbow and looks at me gently.  I smile and bite my lip anxiously.  Apoch steers up near the curb and parks the car.  Morpheus looks back at me.  It's time.

I get out of the car slowly, trying to restrain my urge to run to her as fast as I can.  I close the door, swallow, and then turn.   At the sound of my car door closing, Sherin turns and sees me moving toward her.   But it seems she doesn't see me at first and looks away…Then after a brief moment she does a double-take and a smile breaks out onto her beautiful face.  And we both can't help but run the last few steps into each others arms.  

"Oh Em. Oh Em Oh Em Oh Em." She says again and again, as I hold her tightly, swearing to myself in that moment I'll never let her go.  She pulls herself away to look into my eyes, both of us with tears falling freely…and in this moment, I can't _not_ kiss her. 

I hold her for a moment longer, and then I take her hands in mine.  "I missed you."  I say gently, choking on tears.   "I love you."

"I love you, too." she sniffs, a relief filled watery smile breaking through.  

We embrace a moment longer and then I pull her by the hand.  "Come on, Sher.  It's time to go."

We hurry back to the car and I open the door for her and then slide into the seat next to her and slam the door behind me.  Apoch starts the engine and pulls away smoothly.  I grip Sherin's hand tightly in mine, intertwining our fingers.  There's so much we have to tell one another, but with the listening ears and watching eyes, I'm satisfied for now just drinking in her presence, both of us grinning widely.  I try to pull a straight face, although, when I notice the stony stares from all around me.  Now is really when the hard part comes.  Transporting Sherin undetected back to the motel, where Tank will have things set up for us unplugging her.  I squeeze her hand as we drive down the streets at a steady pace.  It's finally happening.  

…………………………………………………….

a/n: HERE IT COMES YOU GUYSS!! THE CLIMACTIC 25th chapter!!! Thrills!!! Chills!!! Stay tuned—and keep reviewing!!! (-;


	25. Now Watch As It Destroys Me

Apoch steers smoothly along a main street in the city, and as people and buildings slide by, our smooth ride is abruptly cut short by screams and the car in front of us crumpling like a tin can, as a tall man in a gray suit and glasses leaps down onto it.  

We swerve and crunch into another car parked on the side of the street.  My forehead bangs painfully into the seat in front of me. Then our windshield is kicked in by a black paten leather shoe.  We all scramble out of the car, my training kicking in and both my guns unholstered in an instant.  "Follow me!" I cry to Sherin, sliding out of the seat and pulling her after me.

I follow the coattails of Morpheus as he makes a wake in the crowd before us.  A man by my side drops dead and I pull Sherin in front of me, ducking down we scurry forward, as the pursuing agent fires rounds of bullets. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. I can't see Trinity, Apoch, or Switch anywhere, and I silently hope they're alive. After a furtive glance behind me at the running agent chasing us, I turn forward again, and suck in a deep gasp of breath. Morpheus is gone.  

All I can see is bodies above me, around me.   I try not to panic, knowing that I have to keep pressing forward.  I raise my guns and people part out of my way and I scream for people to move, and dash in long strides, Sherin running in front of me.  I feel like we might be losing the agent in the crowd, but for safe measure I take a sharp right at the next block, and dart down a side street.  Then as we run down the more emptied street I hear gunfire and a hole rips in the side of my suit, missing my arm by an inch.  

I duck and look forward to see another agent rushing toward Sherin and me down this sidewalk.  I turn to go back, and see the original pursuer just rounding the corner.  "SHIT!" I scream, firing several bullets toward both of them and then grabbing Sherin's arm I burst through the doors of the building beside us. 

We run as quickly as we can, I quickly put away my guns trying to lose ourselves in the crowd inside the store on the bottom floor.  The elevator door is opening and we dash in, but I pull out a gun before anyone else can board.  "STAY OFF!" I shout. 

 One woman gives me a shocked look and as the door closes, I see her face melting into that of an agent.  The agent pulls out his gun and I slam Sherin and myself against the wall of the elevator as bullets barrage the wall behind where we'd just stood, and I jam the "Door Close" button.  It closes completely before the agent can reach us, and I slump against the wall, my mind racing and sweat dripping down my face.  I quickly press the roof button.

"Who the hell are those guys?" Sherin says, as I pull off my sport coat and take off my holsters, sticking my guns into my belt.    

"Agents." I say, swallowing hard, and unbuttoning the top button of my collar, tearing off the tie.  "They'll kill us." I add.  Her eyes widen, only to fill with tears, and I take her in my arms.   

"It'll be okay." I whisper.  But my heart has little hope in it.  They'll be waiting for us on the roof.  I may be able to outrun them, but Sherin.  I can't let them get her.  I couldn't live if they did anything to her.  I open my cell phone, perfectly aware it will be tracked, but not giving a damn.  

"Operator." Comes Tank's strained voice. 

"It's Mouse." I say quickly.

"Thank god.  I'm tracking your position.  What the hell's going on?"

"It was a set up.  Agents are everywhere.  I lost all the others.  Sherin's with me.  How are we supposed to get her out?"  

I say anxiously, one eye on the digital numbers of the elevator, which continue to count higher and higher.

"Alright." Says Tank, his voice rushed.   "We have to get her to a safe house.  Somewhere where we can send somebody to unplug her later.  Tell her we're gonna put her somewhere where she'll be safe from agents for the time being, until we can make sure it's okay to come back."

"A safe house?" I say, my training only having taught me briefly about these special hacked programs for plugged in people seeking refuge within the matrix.

"Yeah. There's one east of you, near the shipyards.  It's a smallish shed, near the water, dock 45-G. She'll be safe there."

"Thank you Tank." I say, the light showing that we were only two floors from the roof.

"Mouse." Tanks says.  "Run like hell."

I hang up without a word, and shove the phone back in my pocket.  

"What's happening?" Sherin says softly.

"We're getting you somewhere safe." I say, kissing her softly.  "Don't worry.  Nothing's gonna happen to you."

The door opens and before us are two agents, their backs turned, both talking lowly.  I slowly slip one of my guns out of the edge of my pants, tapping the door open button to make sure it stays put, and motioning for Sherin to stay flat against the inner wall of the elevator.  

I move quickly out of the elevator, my gun raised, and it's not until they hear the slight click of my cocking back the trigger of my gun that they turn.  I roll over on the ground as they pull out their weapons and then shoot a round at them.   One stands as though the bullets I've just showered him in were made of air, and one falls to the ground, his face morphing into that of a dead, stunned woman.  The other however, now aims at me and shoots.  I roll out of the way, and back bent, dash back to the elevator, grabbing Sherin's hand and then sprinting across the rooftop, the agent in hot pursuit.  

Heading east I skip over several alleyways fast as I can, Sherin's hand clasped tightly in my own.   I wind this way and that, ducking away from rounds of bullets fired in our direction.  All the alleyways I leap over are small deserted streets, and I leap their lengths easily.  Every once and a while I fire a few rounds over my shoulder, but from the sound of the gunfire it seems the agent is falling back, and we're losing him.  

I leap across an alley and onto the top of a tall building, Sherin's legs pounding in unison with my own as we dash across its length.  Then I hear her gasp and I look down at four lanes of lazy traffic drifting by.  I look across to the building and then back.  I can't see the agent, but I know he pursues.   I take a deep breath and look at Sherin.   She looks at me with fear and uncertainty…and I know in this moment I have to have the strength for both of us.  Taking her hand I whisper softly.  

"Let's get you out of here."

Turning, her hand gripped tightly in my own, I start running and then at the edge of the building I leap, and I'm floating on air it feels.  Gliding gently on an updraft.  Like a bird catching a thermal under its feathers.  I look over and Sherin's tightly closed eyes flutter open, blinking as she watches in wonder as the ground the ground far below shrinks away rather than grows closer.  And then I focus on the next building and we land.  Our hands are torn apart on impact, and losing my balance I roll forward.  

I can't help feeling elated.  We've lost the agents.  We're almost to the docks. I made the jump.

I leap back up and start running in spite of myself.  I shake my head and turn back to Sherin…

She's crouched.  Kneeling and holding her sides, her sheets of hair covering her face. She lets out a pained cry.

I don't remember running over to her, but then I'm with her.  "Sherin. What is it?"

"It hurts."  She says, looking up at me.  

  And then my heart disintegrates.  

With another cry her face stretches unnaturally, her hands expanding and she flashes away for a second.   And then she's back, and she's crying.  

"What's happening to me?" She whispers, as I slowly stand and back a step away.

"What's happen—" and then she cries out again as her face begins to stretch and morph into that of an agent.   

"No." My innards are made of lead.  My blood runs with ice.

My mouth is dry, and her long sheets of hair disappear, into a short slicked back cut.  Her black clothes into a dull gray suit.

"NO!" I shout my gun in front of me.  My hand shakes.   

Sherin again.  Her face painful, looking at me.  "Em…" She chokes.  

With a loud bang, I feel warm liquid splatter my hand and face.  My gun drops to the ground to lie with Sherin.  Motionless.

I stand still, my eyes clenched shut.  A cold wind bites and sends flecks of ice spitting against my face.  My strangled sob is forced back into my throat by a howling gust of wind.  

I try to move, but I can't.  I'm frozen here, a statue.  Agents, I tell myself.  The ship.  They'll be waiting.  Tank. Trinity. Morpheus.  

_Sherin._

I stand still and time moves around me but I am frozen in the second where I open my eyes and see her dark blood spill across the white, rain bleached cement of the rooftop.  

Salt tears sting my wind burnt face, and as dark shapes move around me, dull bangs sounding in my ears, I know no more.  


	26. Stars Go Out And I Disintegrate

                                                                                 -3 Years Later- 

I bid farewell to Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, Apoch, Switch, and Cypher, and sit back in a chair.  Here in this dingy hotel room, I'm forced to remember my first painful venture into the matrix as a freed mind.   

Three years.

I've met so many new people.  I've been to Zion.  I've truly bonded with the crew.  They've become my new family.  I've grown up.  I'm taller…heavier…But by other standards, still short and skinny.  I take off my sunglasses, not sure why I even wore them in, as I survey my dim surroundings. 

 I slide my fingers through my shortish curling hair, and breathe deeply.  I'm exhausted.  I'm seventeen years old…But I feel much older.  Much more weary.

And with Neo...I can sense the same within him.  An old soul.  

Today is the day I will die.

Morpheus, Trinity, Apoch, Switch, Cypher, Tank, Dozer…none of them know.

Four months after Sherin died I returned to The Matrix, and met the oracle…

She told me my future.

I will die today, protecting The One, so that he can fulfill his destiny.

I grip the armrests of this chair, my knuckles white.  

I pull the sunglasses back out of my breast pocket and put them on.  Tears fall from behind them and slide down my cheeks.

I heave a shuddering breath and wonder how I will go.  

And I wait.

Voices thunder in the long winding stairwell, and footsteps.  By the sound of it an entire S.W.A.T. team.  I brace myself, standing and setting my jaw.  I go to the case beside me and pull out my gun, my heart racing.  Footsteps pound louder and louder, closer and closer.  

Tears soak my face, and my heart feels like it's going to burst.  I take a deep breath as the footsteps round the last turn of the staircase and rumble down the corridor.  With a crash the door opens.  My arms vibrate with the force of my guns firing round after round.  Even as bullets pierce me I stand strong, until it's physically impossible.

I crumple to the floor, and for a fleeting moment Sherin's with me again....

And I'm soaring.

…………………..

THE END.


End file.
